People, People, People ...

Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. (Matt 22:37-39)

People - among the best things about being on a mission. People - among the hardest things about being on a mission. People - endearing and exasperating, funny and frightening, uplifting and depressing, warm and aloof, often within the same person and within a few minutes, depending on what they are experiencing in their lives. And that is key. What is happening with someone at any given time? We are often so focused on what is happening in our own lives that we don't consider what might be happening in the lives of those with whom we are interacting. 

I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of people in my life from different backgrounds, different ages, different careers, different countries and a few things seem clear to me. First, children are the same all over the world, especially when they are about eight or younger. It is charming to see parents across continents deal with the energy, the impatience, the tender love, the sibling interactions, and the exhaustion of young children. Whether in the United States, Sweden, Singapore, or Saudi Arabia, I have seen the children acting the same. There is no pretense, only honest expressions of how they are feeling and what they think they need at the moment, wrapped in and tempered by the innocence of childhood. Most adults understand that and allow for the room needed because the children simply are too young to yet know the social graces. 

Second, at their core, people are the same everywhere. At the center, at the very foundation, when all else is stripped away, they want peace for themselves and for their family; they want happiness; they want security. How these look for each person may be a bit different and can change from day to day and place to place, but they are, nevertheless, the ultimate goal. Some need food and shelter because they are lacking, some need restful sleep and a healthy mind, some need friendship, a warm smile, or perhaps just a little bit of grace. Some simply need to be recognized, heard and acknowledgement as a person that exists and hopefully matters to someone, somewhere. Others merely need space to relax and think and feel the air filling their lungs.

Third, every single person has the ability to help the person next to them find a little more peace, a little more happiness and a bit more security. Kindness and compassion, others over self, for even a fleeting moment, uplifts and benefits everyone around you. It lifts the world just a measure. We cannot control how others will respond to our simple gestures, which may go unappreciated, but we can control our own response to situations. It can be hard sometimes - hard to give the needed grace, hard to not be upset when others are rude, hard when you give deeply and others find themselves in a place that all your efforts come to naught. But I am an optimist at heart, and believe these are the exceptions, not the rule. Most people appreciate a kindness, help in seeing the humor in a challenge, a smile, or an encouraging word. So, give it a try! When you have a bad day and are a little less than you should be, apologize, move on, and try again to be a little more kind, a little more graceful.

The past month has been hard in many ways, but I found that trying to help others has lifted my spirit and strengthened my soul. I have reflected on the ways others have lifted me. Let me tell you about a few. As noted in an earlier post, my dad recently passed and as hard as that is, Stephanie and I had visits to make and errands to run in support of other people. I personally found that those visits to discuss their challenges and doing a few little things - as simple as bringing in their mail - did wonders to buoy my spirits. Their listening ears and prayers in our behalf eased my grief and my load.  Getting outside yourself is a remarkable healing balm. 

In another instance, we have spent several weeks helping a friend. Along with support with basic needs we also worked to get him some needed medical attention. We were making great progress and got him to the doctor's office when "the wheels fell off the cart" and help was refused. It made no sense to me or others involved, but we can't control how someone else see life and its risks, and we can't force help on another; we can only offer it and do our best to support the person. The sudden "reversal of fortune" was quite difficult emotionally. We had put in so much time, prayers, love, concern and compassion, sorrow was the only viable reaction. But through it all, there was an unheralded light and support. This came in the form of another man living in the same complex. He became a trusted friend. He did yeoman's work in helping us to communicate with, encourage, and ultimately provide some guidance to our friend who needed the help. His willingness, his gentle manner, his kindness and compassion were an example and a joy to me.

Then this week, we met other new friends. This was a mother and a son. The mother has been having medical issues, and the son needed a hand on a couple of things. How uplifting it was to spend time with them! How inspiring to see the love and dedication of the son tending to his ailing mother! We spoke of their life's story; we shared a bit of ours. We worked to get his mother properly situated so assistance could be better provided. We laughed; we smiled; we prayed. The work was physical and tiring, the visiting was spiritual and refreshing. It is a memory that will not soon fade.

Let me also post here something relates to these thoughts that I was reflecting upon again this week. I originally shared this on my Facebook page, but I'd like to capture it here also. It is about experiences on a business trip in 2016:

In October I had the opportunity to travel to Saudi Arabia for the first time. I flew Saudia Airlines from JFK to Riyadh. The take-off was quite interesting because after the safety announcements, a nice picture appeared on the personal entertainment center screens, and the announcement was made that what was to follow was a prayer offered by the Prophet Mohammad for travel. It was really quite a nice prayer, one that you might likely hear in any church or synagogue if offered for the same purpose. I found it particularly nice because I am not one who ever objects to offering a prayer for safe travels before a trip.

I slept for most of the flight. After nearly ten hours aboard, I looked at the flight map and saw that we were over Egypt approaching the Nile River. I decided that I might never have the opportunity to see the Nile and that at least I could look out the window and see it from above. Then I could legitimately claim that I had seen the Nile. So, I watched as we approached it. I was surprised by how small it looked from 35,000 feet but could clearly see the fertile lands that bordered it on either side, and which ended rather abruptly in desert.

Next on the flight map, the Red Sea appeared, and I naturally had to watch as we flew over that. As we did, I reflected on the exodus of the children of Israel from the Egyptian bondage so many centuries ago, and upon the parting of the waters which Paul explained was a baptism for those refugees (see 1 Cor 10:1-4). I wondered exactly where between coasts that would have been. Then as I watched between the window and the map, I saw that we were not far from Aqaba and reflected how Lehi and his family traveled “... in the most fertile parts of the wilderness, which were in the borders near the Red Sea” (1Ne 16:14) before they turned and traveled “nearly eastward” until they reached the sea and the place they called Bountiful. It struck me then that I was looking down on the very place where the scriptures talk about many of the people of the Lord traveling. Then I looked at the map again and I saw Medina and Mecca on the map – the cities between which Mohammad's journey took place – and realized how very important this region of the world is and has been to all of the people of the Abrahamic traditions, and I felt that I had seen something quite profound.

The rest of the trip was for business. I personally found Riyadh to be a very interesting place. The locals told me that my colleague and I were there with very nice (read “not unbearably hot”) weather. It felt to me like West Texas with a lot more sand instead of red dirt and grit. I was quite comfortable in the part of the city where I stayed and had my meetings. We were in a hotel across the street from a relatively high-end mall. There were no other restaurants within walking distance, so my colleague and I ate dinner at the food court each night. It was classic fast-food fare except for the shawarma and traditional Yemeni shops – burgers, fish and chips, Indian, Chinese and Lebanese. The only “oddity” were the separate ordering lines for men and women and the separation between family seating and singles (men only) seating in the dining area.

It was somewhat tense for me to walk around the mall. With the exception of the few western women, you could not see a woman's face. The Saudi women were dressed in black abayas, their heads and faces covered by a veil (niqab) with only their eyes showing. The western women wore the black abaya but covered their heads with black scarves (hijab). By the time I got on the plane back to the US, the most refreshing thing was to be able to fully look at a woman's face and see her expressions. Children, both boys and girls, were dressed in clothes any child would wear in Europe or the US. Many would pull close to their fathers as I walked past. I wasn't sure if it was because of my different dress (business clothes instead of the traditional Saudi white robe with headdress) or if it was because I'm kind of a large man. But there was one young girl who smiled at me in the food court and made my day.

I didn't much care for being on the roads in Riyadh. I've seen aggressive drivers in other locations but none of them stack up to what I experienced there. I was tempted to agree with the ban on women drivers if only for their own safety. It kind of made me wonder if the drivers had a death wish or just weren't concerned with dying.

Now to the part of the trip that has been troubling me. As my colleague and I sat in the Riyadh airport waiting for our flight out, I decided to get a doughnut at the Dunkin' Donuts stand. I was in line trying to decide what to get but couldn't read the signs, so I stepped out of line to get a better look. Once I made my decision I turned around to go to the end of the line. The gentleman that was originally behind me saw that I was going to the end, grabbed my elbow and guided me back in front of him. I thanked him but I was surprised by the gesture. This really bugged me because I realized that I had gone the entire trip with an expectation that people were going to be rude to me. Yet during the entire trip everybody except one individual (who wouldn't even deign to acknowledge my presence) was warm, courteous and welcoming and it felt quite sincere, not just fulfilling some cultural expectation. Then I found myself wondering why I had that expectation. I have traveled extensively in Europe, I have been to the far east on several occasions, I have spent weeks in different locations in Mexico, I have colleagues that I consider friends who are Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Christian and Jewish and probably others that I don't even know about. The one conclusion that I always came away with is that people everywhere are generally the same at the core. They want to be treated kindly and with respect. They want their families and themselves to be safe and secure. Some will tease you in a friendly manner, others will be truly interested in you, others will have a less than perfect day and need a little space, some may just need a helping hand or a listening ear. But, with the exception of the truly sociopathic, most try to be kind and courteous to the best of their ability.

Yet in Saudi Arabia I did not expect that and I didn't know why. The only conclusion I could arrive at was that I had failed to filter biases well. As hard as I have tried (and too often failed) in my life to be fair and just, to not attribute to every person the stereotypes associated with their “group,” the biases hidden in the discussions, articles and broadcasts surrounding the terrible events of the past still managed to find a seat – and I was ashamed of myself.

This experience opened my eyes a bit for this past election season as well. I have found myself saddened by the labeling, the grouping, the assumptions applied by those of one political persuasion against those of another as if every group is monolithic and everyone fits perfectly into the groups they identify with or with which others identify them. I see the same in so many of the reactions of one religion against another. I understand that there will be differences in opinion, in views, in approach, in some goals and desires, but there seemed to be so little real effort to truly understand – to understand with open ended questions and no judgment that help one to see from another person's point of view, not those loaded questions that seem to say “I truly wish to understand how can you believe something so stupid” or “I really want to comprehend why you are so blind to the truth.” Even though people very often talk about being generously open, about being tolerant of an individual with all of his or her foibles and imperfections, it is far too rare to truly see it in the actions and responses. The contradiction can be jarring. For me the oxymoronic or paradoxical nature of many of the voices of the election season was epitomized by the sign held by one individual at a protest rally: “No tolerance for the intolerant!”

I hope that in the coming years, I can do a better job at treating each individual as unique and letting them be heard by listening to their viewpoint without feeling threatened by a perspective that counters my own. Ideally, this should be possible, right? But it surely will take time and effort. I won't necessarily know what assumptions they may be working with that leads them to their conclusions. Very often I may be unaware of my own assumptions. These need to be explored and tested, poked and prodded and pondered. Then perhaps, hopefully, understanding, though not always agreement - will come, as will greater appreciation for the person.