Only the Courageous Need Apply
What do you want to be when you grow up? It is a classical question commonly asked of children and youth. Of course, the answers change as we mature and become more aware of the possibilities, and many of us do not settle on a specific answer until college, having been surprised by previously unknown options. When I was three, I wanted to grow up to be Superman. At twelve, I thought being Mr. Spock would be ideal. At 15 electrical engineering was looking pretty good having had a good first run at computer programming on my Commodore PET, so at 18 I started down that path at college.
But that vision was refined when I was on my earlier mission at the age of 23. I was serving in Pittsfield, Massachusetts at the time. Interestingly, it was the town where I was born while my dad was employed in the accounting department of the General Electric transformer factory. On my mission, I was visiting with a man who worked for GE. He essentially asked me the same classical question mentioned above: "What do you want to do when you get off your mission?" I told him of studying electrical engineering but expressed some hesitancy about it because I had found courses on microelectronics to be quite uninteresting. The computer programming and circuits courses were enjoyable (though less challenging since I had been doing that for years by then) but the courses on the chemistries of silicon and gallium and the movement of holes and electrons just weren't really doing anything for me. That's when this gentleman proposed an option that I didn't know was available because it had never been clearly presented to me during the four years I had already spent at two different universities - "What about electric power engineering?" That intrigued me deeply.
I had spent hours as a boy sitting on the roof of my grandmother's house and in her backyard wondering about the distribution lines carrying electricity to the neighborhood. My whole life I have had those delightful nighttime dreams of personally flying wherever I desired (like my three-year-old Superman wish), with my only obstacles being transmission towers and transmission lines. And so, when I returned from my mission, one focus for me was to complete school in electrical engineering, but I wanted to work on power systems. This was one among many reasons why I transferred from Texas Tech to BYU after Stephanie and I were engaged. BYU still had a power option in their electrical and computer engineering program while, at the time, the program at Texas Tech seemed to be wholly dedicated to microelectronics being strongly influenced by support from Texas Instruments.
My little memorial stroll is simply to show how natural it is to immediately focus on work, career and interests when answering what we want to be when we grow up. I would posit, however, that we are usually too shallow when considering that question. A few years later, after more life experience and the welcoming of four marvelous children into our family, with the responsibilities of being a husband and a father upon my shoulders, I was asked the question in a different way. During our time living in Switzerland, I had the opportunity to take a German course to improve my proficiency a bit in that language of my maternal line.
One day the teacher asked, "What do you want people to say about you?" My immediate response was that I hoped they will consider me to be a good man. The teacher didn't seem to think that I caught the meaning of her question, but I understood the meaning that I needed. I have reflected on my answer many times and I would not change it today, though I would probably include a few important additions.
But, let me ask that question of you, dear reader. What do you want to be when you grow up? How do you want to be remembered? What do you hope people will say about you? What are you striving to become? A warning before you answer, though. These types of questions, honestly answered, will reveal your heart and character. It can take great courage to be honest with yourself like this. It's often easy to answer them with noble ideas and grandiose hopes, but if you sit and reflect on them, if you take time to ponder your most cherished desires and your deepest fears, you may find that those noble sentiments are not really what is at the core of who you really are at this moment. Nevertheless, I encourage you to take the plunge. Turn off the TV, silence your mobile phone, find a quiet place and take time to think and explore such questions. Write down your thoughts about them.
Once you have done that, consider some harder questions. Do you like what you have seen? It is really what you ought to want and desire to be? Do you really live up to your noblest ideals? If not, do you have the courage and determination to make the necessary changes? What are those necessary changes? How to you make them?
Honesty seems to be a rare commodity in our day and age, and the type of honesty with self as described above is generally more challenging than honesty with others. It can take more courage, exact more effort, require greater valor, and perhaps worst of all, it will demand greater self-discipline and humility. Because it can lead you to where you are scared to go, you will be tempted to self-justify and ignore what's in front of you. It's simply easier to go on pretending than it is to peer deeply in the mirror and see something that doesn't align with what you like to tell yourself about yourself.
- There are things you are certain about, but which are not quite right or true, and you will need to change your opinion and views. This takes courage and honesty.
- There are things you are certain about, but people and circumstances will try to persuade you to abandon them. You must stand firm and true to your convictions. This takes courage and honesty.
- There are things you are truly passionate about but that matter very little in the final accounting while those people who disagree with you have valid vies and opinions that should be considered, respected and allowed for. This takes courage and honesty.
- There are things you care little about, but which actually have much greater importance in the final accounting, and you should give them greater heed. This takes courage and honesty.
What I am describing is the essence of repentance. We tend to think of repentance as a demand screamed at us by dime-store prophets, or by charlatan preachers looking for their next donation, or perhaps as a virtue-signaling bumper sticker slogan, but rightly understood, a call to repentance is an invitation to change and to become a better person. It is a comforting promise that improvement is possible. It is a change of heart and a return to a better way. It requires an image in our mind and heart of what we are trying to become, a map and an example that we should follow. It should not be surprising, then, that my invitation is for people to learn of Jesus Christ, come to understand his example and his character, and then strive to emulate him. He gave the ultimate invitation to his disciples long ago: "[W]hat manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am." (3 Ne 27:27). A beginning short-list of his characteristics are found in the Beatitudes of the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:3-16.
To fully walk this path, you will ultimately need help. I recommend, invite, encourage and exhort you to pray to your Heavenly Father. He listens and you can talk to him openly and freely about anything - your hopes, your dreams, your desires, your fears. You can ask for help, for guidance, for courage, for a change of heart, for the desire and ability to change, or even for help to forgive and forget wrongs that may get in your way. Simple language is enough when praying to him. Talk to him from your heart, be sincere, trust, discipline yourself, and you will come to find - sometimes slowly and at other times in great bursts - that you are changing and improving as a person. You will find increased self-respect, increased confidence, better interactions with other people, greater peace in your life even in times of challenge and difficulty. You will find strength to endure the hard times and more joy in the easier times. You will come to better see who you really are and who you are capable of becoming. If you slip, apologize and start afresh. Take what you learned before and try, try again. The progress will come. I promise.
